Ever feel like you’re not quite sure what the hell you’re doing? Of course you do, you’re human. Even if you’re life is beyond perfect there will always be a part of you that thinks “Is it really prefect? Isn’t there something else I could be doing?” . Even if you were to win the lottery tomorrow or some stereotype less over used that signifies you being happy, you’d still wonder.
Clearly this is a very human emotion; you’d never find a pigeon sitting down looking wistfully into the sky stroking it’s beak in a maner signifying deep thought.
There is so much put upon people that it’s no wonder depression exists.
For once I’d like to see a depressed Ant. Wait, no I wouldn’t. That’d be a sign that ant’s have finally evolved to a similar level of consciousness that we’re at and that’d just be soul crushingly depressing.
Humans have the potential to be glorious or to be foul and that’s mainly based upon their free will and conscious or lack of one. While this may mean we as creatures have a slightly more fulfilling experience of life than an ant would have it also means we spend most of that life wondering and panicing.
I can still remember the terrible realisation that I was going to die that I gained when I was about six or seven. Luckily for me I was a child and buried that beneath my love of Biker Mice From Mars and other bursts of pop-culture. However when I was about thirteen or so the crushing thoughts came back and I used to spend days maybe even weeks in a funk, unable to stop myself from thinking about what happens afterwards.
This isn’t something unique, most people I know have these thoughts and just ignore them, so this is what I did. I simply ignored the fact I was going to die at some point and immersed myself in slightly more mature pop-culture.
However, in times of despair I could stop myself thinking about death. When I confronted my parents about this my Mom said something that has stuck with me to this day: “I used to think the same thing until my Dad died. Then when I realised he could do it I stopped worrying about it”. While this piece of advice was helpful in several ways it still didn’t stop me dwelling on “The End” in general.
So what do I do now every time I start thinking about dying? Exactly the same thing I did when I was seven and thirteen, I delve straight into something pop-culture based, usually comics, a confusing yet amusing book or more likely a film/tv show. I’ve only come to this realisation while writing this; I am no better than my seven year old self.
I am aware there are far more intelligent people than I discussing the idea of death, mortality and the effect on the human psyche but you know what? They’ll never solve anything. There will always be a thirteen year old kid with hormonal imbalances who thinks life is pointless and that they should end it all because it doesn’t get any better.
Honestly it doesn’t, but that’s no reason to stop existing. Everyone is going though the same thing whether they be rich or poor, old or young. Sure it’s harder for some people than others due to circumstances beyond their control but things change. It might get better, it might get much worse but it does change and that’s all that we can really hope for.
Huh, I really didn’t think that’s where this was going to go. I assumed I was going to discuss how terrible certain writers are or maybe how great a band is, that’s what I usually blather about.
Sorry about that, but honest I feel a bit better even though I’m now starting to think about death again. Fuck.
Hope this didn’t bum anyone out, not that anyone will actually read this so fuck that apology, I’m only trying to make myself feel better.
Up Next: Some amusing pictures from Amsterdam.